We all can sit here and honestly say we expected the Penguins to be good. Of course we all failed to add the time frame in which we expected them to be good. No one had the foresight to see what a great season lay in front of the Pens. Vegas had them at 75-1, second worst only to the Blues, to win the Cup. Both TSN and ESPN projected the Pens to finish 13th in the conference. Who could blame them though? The Pens were just coming off of a 58 point season which left them easily in last place in the Eastern Conference. Marc-Andre Fleury looked horrible in camp and the organization pondered if he should be returned to Wilkes-Barre. The team's prized rookie center Malkin was put on the shelf by his own teammate. The only thing expected of this team coming out of the preseason was for it to have a greater knowledge of Canada's back roads, thanks to an adventurous preseason schedule. Truth be told, America hasn't seen a comeback like this since The Hoff came out of years of seclusion following Knight Rider to lay Baywatch on us.
He's like a weed, you can't get rid of him
Who actually knows how this team would have done had the Sopranos not been on a two year hiatus. Don't let anyone fool you into thinking they did not have a hand in Malkin's late night/early morning contract signing with Magnitogorsk. They were out freelancing during their down time. Tony laid it all out for him, "
Listen, your commi-prick, if you don't sign this contract for my commi-cousin, I'm going to make you watch me get my fat, hairy, sweaty body up on my 50 year old wife here and go to town. You are going to hear sounds worse than you heard back when your momma had men coming and going from her room for 50 cents at a time. And when I'm done, I'm going to make you tear the toupees off of each of my associates' heads and use them to mop up my sweat off of my wife's body. " Who wouldn't risk life and limb avoiding the drugged out airport security in Helsinki to ensure he would never have to see that again. No wonder he won't learn English, he thinks we are all crazy because we willingly pay $8/month just to see it.
They also work for the cable company to ensure these high ratesHad Tony not sent his best thug John Leclair to bust Malkin up, we may not have ever seen Jordan Staal on the team. Tony knew you could take the man out of the Flyers, but not the Flyers out of the man and that made LeClair a likely candidate for doing Tony's dirty work. What's even more amazing about Staal making the team is that when the #2 pick came in the 2006 NHL Draft, no one was really sure who the Pens would take. Shero's worship of Danny Tanner should have given us some insight as to who he would pick. He wanted a Full House at center, but its really not necessary for him to keep calling Malkin "Uncle Jesse" and Staal "Stupid Joey". Rumor has it that Shero has put a call in to the Olsen twins in hopes they will join the Delta Dental Pens Patrol next season.
Have Mercy!Amist the excitement of a new season dawning it appeared Pittsburgh would finally have to say good-bye to Mario Lemieux in the public's eye as the team was being sold. The man who made it possible for work to follow you everywhere and be on your hip was coming to make Sidney Crosby and team his business. When the NHL told him he would never be allowed to move the team to Canada he pulled his offer from the table faster than you can say "eh?". We all hope that Silli man gets Ball cancer from keeping his Blackberry too close to his hockey stick. This confused Mario Brothers LP so much that they decided not to put the team back on the market.
Whoo hoo!
They then decided they needed to more aggressively shop the team.
D'OH!
Will the team stay or will it go was one of the very few negatives to be found this season; of course it was a very big negative. The Pens were left stranded on an island when the state did not grant the city's slot machine license to Isle of Capri. At that point every person with political aspirations adapted the Beatles "Let it Be" song to the Sesame Street rendition "Letter B". Everyone was singing Plan B. The Penguins were tired of hearing this song and dance and cashed in their frequent flyer miles and made some trips around the nation to find a city willing to whore themselves to become the new home of Sidney Crosby. This allowed an entertaining dynamic to enter the discussions with Pittsburgh during the negotiations, Lemiuex would frequently play "Should I Stay or Should I Go" during the negotiations when the talks were not going his way. This tactic worked on Rendell and Onorato, but his son Luke is too young to recognize the song. Fortunately in the end a deal was reached as Lemieux' love for the city was greater than Rendell's ability to screw it.
If only the fight was this fun to watch
One of the few negatives that happened on the ice was John LeClair. He proved he served no purpose on the ice to this team when his aging skill set caused him to injure Malkin. Fortunately Shero got rid of him in time for him not to try and throw the entire series with his former team, Philly. I know you will argue that the greatest accomplishment of this team is coming together to become a play-off team. I laugh at that for I know it was sweeping the Flyers. You may not remember how hard it has been for the Pens to win in Philly. The fact that the Pens have never swept the Flyers in a season series that was greater than 2 games should be proof enough. The only Pennsylvania upset that would have been greater than this sweep would have been Lynn Swann and his "no position" campaign had beaten the Governer of Philadelphia.
Stupid Swann, PA is run by PhiladelphiaWith the assistance of some brotherly love and some fatherly guidance, the Pens transformed from a .500 team into a top of the conference contender. Starting January 13 in Philadelphia, the Pens began a streak of 16 straight games where they took at least 1 point for a total of 30 out of a possible 32 points. Just three wins into the streak, and fresh off of the all-star break, the fathers of almost each player joined the boys on the road in Dallas and Pheonix. The fathers told the players to listen to what their coach was telling them and this began the team's complete buy-in to the game plan Lord Therrien had been selling. The players responded and the fans came out to see the greatness that was taking place on the ice to the tune of 30 sellouts. It quickly became difficult to find a ticket to see the many accomplishments this team was racking up.
Your mom couldn't even get tickets, but it sure was fun letting her tryThe team accomplishments overshadowed just how many awesome individual accomplishments occured this year. Mark Recchi became the ninth active player to reach the 500 goal milestone with his second goal against Dallas in January 26. Sidney Crosby became the youngest player ever to reach 200 career points with his goal against the Hurricanes on March 2. Oh, and Sid won the scoring title, playing the last two weeks and the playoffs on a broken foot. Go down to your garage, grab a hammer, swing it at your foot. Now go out and run a marathon every other day for the next two weeks. When you crumple in pain after the first mile on day one, pick up a pen and write Sid to let him know you have replaced your god with him. He will most likely want you to offer up Gatorade sacrifices and wear on Reebok on game days. Jordan Staal became the youngest player to score a hat trick with his OT game February 10 at Toronto. Staal's accomplishments didn't start or stop there as he was the youngest player to score on a penalty shot and the youngest to score to shorties in the same game, both accomplishments in the October 21 game at Columbus.
Bob Saget Owns the record for scoring the most shortiesSome of the more memorable moments of this year can not be captured in the record books. Malkin showed off his Jagr impersonation as he cherry picked continuously in the Young Stars game. Whitney and Staal joined him, but at the ripe age of 22 Fleury was not eligible as a "young" star. Versus then turned its attention to making the remainder of the All-Start
weekend weeknights to proclaiming the greatness of Crosby. Sid rewarded them with his worst game of the year, but at least the All-Star game didn't count towards the playoff run. Colby Armstrong lost his scoring touch early on this season, but he did not lose his ability to awe the crowd. Three separate occasions found Colby on the Clubber Lang end of a big hit.
I pity the fool that doesn't see the Pens Army comingWhen it came to dropping the gloves, the highlights end with TKO Petro.
Ray Shero's impact on the team was immediately seen. He brought in the RPM (Ruutu, Petro, Moore) line to rev up the teams energy on the ice. It was these small additions that enabled this team to take such a giant next step this season. Many can not argue that adding Staal and Malkin was a great boost to the team's scoring ability, but the contributions made the by the third and fourth lines made this a team that had to be stopped on every line, not just the top line. Come the trading deadline the Penguins were finally buyers when they brought in the Heavyweight Champion of the NHL Georges Laraque, gritty canonball Gary Roberts, amongst others. The loss of Moore at the trading deadline only hurt in the face-off circle as Max Talbot made the transition to the fourth line flawlessly. These new faces injected energy into a playoff hungry team and enabled them to sustain the great momentum created during the 16-game point streak.
The Pens shocked everyone as they put up the second highest point total and third highest win total in franchise history. They made the play-offs, not as an 8 seed, but as a 5 seed that narrowly missed winning the division and the 2 seed. Sergei Gonchar put together a full season's performance and the result was the best offensive season's for a Pens defenseman who is not a member of the hockey hall of fame. Crosby became the youngest player to lead the lead in scoring, and in doing so, became just the third Penguin to ever lead the league. If we were not all scorned by what happened to our SuperBowl Champion Steelers, the best thing to take away from this year is that a majority of the team is under contract for next year.
Its hard to follow up on perfection, boys, and I know perfectionThese Pens are now 1 year older and 1 year more experienced. If the hockey gods wanted them to pay their dues, consider them paid in full this year. Go out and buy your #87, #11, #71 jerseys this summer when they all go on sale as the NHL introduces the new streamlined design. This team is here to stay in Pittsburgh and here to dominate.
