60 Minute Men

My wife thinks I went to the Pens game last night. Truth be told, it felt like I was at a strip club. Exciting time, got a great show, got me ready to bust, but in the end I went home unsatisfied. I then had to drag myself to my Jeep and think about how bad I felt for the next 30 minutes as I waited in traffic to get to the parkway. What would I tell my wife that would not give away what I did? The place was electric and it seemed even better when you went upstairs. It was so loud I couldn't hear what the girl next to me was saying. It was good, honey, but in the end they just didn't give me what we needed.

I'm not sure if the crowds intensity translated to the TV broadcast, but the crowd matched and sometimes exceeded the intensity the Pens put forth on the ice.

Jeff Reed harnessed then entire arena's playoff energy in his hair

The only thing that could quiet this crowd was an absolute moment of silence for the tragedy that occurred in Blacksburg. "Oh, Canada" was met with a buzz at first from the crowd and a smattering of boos could be heard from time to time, but I can never recall so much nervous energy in a place during a national anthem. Everyone was scared for that one idiot would say something ignorant and ignite a war drawn over an imaginary line between Minnesota and the maple syrup producers to our north.

Now that Candy is dead, who will stand up for the US?

There was never more than a one minute "break" between chants. To start the game off there were more "Let's go Pens" chants that it seemed like every section had their own going. After the puck dropped, the fans got it together and formed one collective chant. I'm not sure if the crowd fed off of it being playoff hockey, hatred for the Murderers from Ottawa, or what seemed to be a game that almost anything went without a penalty.

Hey you guys! They just killed Crosby!

There was a collective groan in the crowd when that pass found its way off of Staal's stick, and in cartoonish, slow motion free fall it found the net. Immediately the crowd wanted a high stick call. The bad news came from Toronto and the Pens undeservedly headed to the locker room down a goal.

I haven't felt this ripped off since I found out the romance
between Anne Heche and Hans Solo was fake movie magic

I typically leave my seat during the intermission to walk around. I was so exhausted from putting everything I had into my chanting, clapping, and intense, intimidating focus that I could not bring myself to leave my seat. I did not know it then, but I was reserving resources for the greatest effort in 20 minutes of hockey I would ever see.

The last Pens playoff game I saw was in 1996 when the miracle Florida Panthers magically found their way past the Pens in the Conference Championships. Lemieux was back and crowd could feel another Cup within grasp. What I participated in then was absolutely nothing to what took place last night. Niagara Falls can not come close to generating as much energy as there was on the ice and in the stands in that second period. Staal's goal created a roar so load that statue of former mayor Richard Caliguiri actually broke a smile.

First depressed statue I've ever seen.
He's just taking the loss hard.

The explosion of energy was so great that everyone let out a huge roar and, for a moment, ignored their right to high five and give good games. I turned, with hand raised, to Btizzo and I could see fear in his eyes as he has heard of my prowess for the explosive high five. I decided to take it easy on him, but the resulting high five left me with pent up excitement that still had to be released. I followed up the high five with several shots to his shoulder. This aparently prompted the hockey ignorant drunk to my left to think hitting is OK and he punched me in the back. This was the playoffs and I had to remember to keep my emotions in check and not retaliate. I could not afford a costly penalty just after we had scored.

Penalty on C-13, E, 5
Game Misconduct for aggravated assault

The Pens played their most inspired period of hockey of the year and only had one goal to show for it. This sent everyone to the second intermission feeling cautiously optimistic, the same feeling a teenage boy gets when he goes to pick up the pastor's daughter for a date and sees she showing cleavage.

don't get excited, she'll shoot you down

The momentum swing continued into the third period. Ottawa managed to get the puck deep in the Pens zone only twice. Once was all it took to break the tie and our hearts. The fans immediately tried to pull our boys back into it with a spirited "Let's go Pens" chant before the goal could even be announced. The Pens did all they could but simply came up short in this one. They outplayed a Senators team that got one lucky bounce.

As the final seconds ticked away some in the crowd got ugly, even turning on other fans who were not chanting loud enough. One ignorant man even heckled an very elderly couple, who had trouble moving, for leaving with 30 seconds left so they would not be engulfed in the rush of exiting fans. I know it was his beer talking, but I prefer to think it was the byproduct of the frustration of an arena that gave all it had and yet it was not enough.

You must get your hip replaced before you
come back to cheer the Pens on again

The final cheer came as the Pens left home ice for possibly the last time this season. It paled in comparison to the cheers earlier in the game and to the cheers they got the last time they left the ice last year, but that was not an indication that the fans didn't love them less. As the team struggled for the energy to skate from the bench to the locker room, the fans stuggled to come to grips with that they had just seen. The Pens did everything necessary to win, yet the scoreboard shows otherwise. It was a cruel reminder that while we thought the hockey gods loved us when they handed us Sid, they also have the power to crush us.

I certainly hope this is not the last home game for the Pens this year. But if it was, what an emblematic finish. A team that was not supposed to make the playoffs overachieved for the next two thirds of the season but fell just short of securing home ice advantage in the first round. Last night the Pens stumbled a little in the initial minutes but dominated for the remainder of the game yet fell just a little short.

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As we were walking out we see this in front of us:

First let's look at how this fashion conscious hottie broke the #1 rule in jerseys... NEVER TUCK THEM IN! I guess she didn't want the $200 plus jersey covering up her $150 dollar jeans b/c of the way they make her butt look.

I can not fathom why someone would spend the $200 plus dollars to have a personalized jersey made and get the mascot on it. I can only guess what was going through her head...
"Hmmm, who should I get. I like Sid, but he doesn't make enough money for me yet. I like Colby, but he doesn't drive a hot enough car. I like Malkin, foreigners get me hot, but I can't get past his uni-brow. I like Malone, but my girlfriend Jennifer, who is in love with him, would totally quit talking to me if I got his jersey. I wonder if I can get a jersey for Jagr, but since he cut the sexmullet he just doesn't do it for me. Oh, I know, I will get the cute cuddly mascot as a jersey. And the double zero on the back will make my butt look even smaller."

This jersey is her billboard to the world that the only thing she knows about hockey is the mascot. He's probably the only pens employee in a jersey she knows the name of. She's there because its cool to go to games. I'm sure a few of you out there recognize her from when she jumped on the bandwagon.

At least she's providing us something to look at in between periods.